Fighting Dragons

Many people would agree with me that the first year of marriage is particularly tough if you did not for whatever reason live together for a considerable period of time before tripping down the aisle.   Hubby and I did not co-habit before settling down to a life of marital bliss adventure.  I don’t regret it but it certainly made for a very interesting first year. We had one of those whirlwind, paperback romances and since I was (mostly) raised by a hard-as-nails staunch Catholic grandmother it went without saying that my knight in shining armour would get his princess only with a wedding band and a promise.

He married me thinking I was a great catch.  I think so to 🙂 but unfortunately love has a way of blinding you to a few pertinent facts. For example he thought I could cook.  It had something to do with the fact that I lived a sheltered life in an ivory tower with my gran who just happened to be an amazing cook.

The truth was I was no domestic goddess. ( I like to think that this has changed)

This fact barely had an impact on our relationship but what did surprise me was how my new husband could not understand why I needed a room of my own not to sleep in of course, but to daydream and write. He could not fathom why, when we weren’t working, I didn’t want to be with him all the time.

Why are you locked up in the spare room? What are you writing about?  

Steven Pressfield in his classic Do The Work! Overcome Resistance and get out of your own way writes that our enemies are:

1.  Resistance (fear, self-doubt, procrastination, addiction, distraction…)

2.  Rational thought (artists should work from instinct and intuition not from logic)

3.  Friends and Family

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The problem with friends and family, Steven Pressfield writes, is that they are invested in maintaining us as we are.  The last thing  we want is to remain as we are.

It took my husband a while to accept my need for space and creative expression.  A long while.  Even today he will occasionally opine that “time is fleeting and we won’t be together forever” because he is a dear and romantic heart but I need to write, to doodle, to dream in privacy.

Who or what are your dragons?

 

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7 thoughts on “Fighting Dragons

  1. I find it hard enough to live with myself, let alone anyone else 😉 But of course there is hubby who used to be like your hubby until he realised that I wasn’t going to give up my passion for anyone or anything 😀

  2. It must be hell being married to a writer. My husband says I often don’t hear him. He talks to me and gets no response whatsoever. It’s become a running joke now, but the truth is, when I’m writing I can block the entire world out. I doubt I’d hear a bomb explode. Terrifying really. I can completely relate, Yolanda x

  3. I totally can relate with having my own space. Up till now, I didn’t have that luxury and quite frankly it made me very upset and sad at times. I often found ‘my spot’ in nature but weather and mood didn’t always make that possible.. Now I am so happy to have a room of my own. I believe women really need to have a private place to retreat from time to time.

    Fighting dragons..tell me about it :/ Taming your dragons into allies is a constant interaction between inner and outer world. Not an easy one but I’m already starting to befriend them 😉

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